Yes You Can! Ten Simple Steps How To Live A Life Of No Regrets
I have had the phrase #NoRugrats on my mind all week. Admittedly, I stole it from my 21year old daughter, it is her life’s mantra and her version of #NoRegrets
I don’t know, if it is because we are coming to the end of May and I have been reflecting on how the month has been for me, reminiscing over some of the acts and very expensive omissions I have made that I am not too pleased about. I have spent this week being angry at myself for taking my eye off the ball and it has cost me dearly. Suddenly in the middle of my sulk, I remembered my daughter’s mantra #NoRugrats.
The good news is that there is positive outcome of my almost one week of sulking with deep regret. Sulking at my very careless lack of attention and proper control over an area of one of my businesses, the positive outcome is that by my dwelling on my mistakes, it has resulted in the inspiration for this blog post and for the topic on for this week’s edition on my Believe and Live Again Radio Show – Rising from the Ashes of Regret After Divorce.
When you feel sorry, sad, or disappointed over something you did or omitted to do, you’re probably experiencing regret. Regret can weigh you down and become such a focus in your life that you’re unable to identify the many accomplishments you’ve achieved. That definitely was me all this week.
Regrets are really a waste of emotions, brain space, valuable time, peace of mind and dare I say money because no matter how unwise your choices may have been whether in your marriage, during or after divorce, after an affair, perhaps a bad investment or in your general day to day activities – you cannot turn the clock back, you cannot reverse time….the past is one second ago, so Zina suck it up, put on your big girl panties, refocus, re-plan, practice forgiveness and self-compassion, forgive your omissions and move on.
I am saying the same to you. Forgive yourself and move on. You may already have a few regrets, you are only human! I get it, but there are ways to help ensure you have far fewer of them over the rest of your life. There are few things more tragic than looking back over your life and wishing you had lived a life that was dramatically different. Now that sobering thought puts everything into perspective for me and I hope as you read today’s post, it does the same for you too.
You may already have a few regrets, you are only human! I get it, but there are ways to help ensure you have far fewer of them over the rest of your life. There are few things more tragic than looking back over your life and wishing you had lived a life that was dramatically different. Now that sobering thought puts everything into perspective for me and I hope as you read today’s post, it does the same for you too.
Say to yourself that “Today is the time to seize control of my future.”
Yes, you can live a life that will fill you with smiles rather than with regret!
Here are 10 simple steps by step techniques:
You can follow through diligently step by step, or at random or better still at a pace that is comfortable for you, the important thing is to do them, internalise and don’t relent. Guess what? Practice makes perfect.
1. Make a list of everything you want to see and do in your lifetime. A big part of avoiding regret is doing and seeing the things you most want to see and do. Avoid waiting to accomplish those things. I climbed the highest mountain in Malawi last October in 2018, yes me a 50 ish middle aged over weight woman. I have never hiked before or ever climbed a mountain. Was I scared….er! yeah! Petrified, I thought I would never make it…it took me 9 hours to get up there but the feelings of accomplishment, success and pride was so exhilarating….and to think mountain climbing was not even on my bucket list but I have done and can tick it off…Everest is on my mind….only on my mind….just to clarify looool.
A friend of mine has just learnt to skateboard. No one ever said you can’t learn to skateboard at age 60, but it would easier and safer to do at 20. Another friend of mine to celebrate her retirement from the BBC is travelling around the UK for a year in a camper van. The lesson here is never say never.
2. Have laser focus. Many regrets are the result of failing to direct your life toward something specific. Making decisions can be scary, because they seem so final. But if you never make up your mind, you’ll never do anything. Decide what’s most important to you and get busy now!
3. Be intentional! avoid time zappers. Along with indecisiveness, we waste hours each day. Between TV, the internet, mobile phones, procrastination and rehashing the same stories over and over with friends, we fail to make the most of each day. We even waste time doing legitimate activities but at the wrong time. Here’s the thing, we all have 24 hours each day…time is constantly slipping away! Be wise with your time. Practice tenacity and intentionality.
4. Set time-bound goals. Goals require decision and focus. Set goals and spend your time in pursuit of their achievement. By setting and achieving the goals that are important to you, you can avoid most regret later in life.
5. Avoid settling for less. Maybe you wanted to be a doctor but decided that being a nurse was easier. Or you’ve always wanted to go and live in Rome but settled on Miami. Settling results in that gnawing feeling that you can never completely shake. Have faith in yourself and God, sticking to your guns about things that matter to you.
6. Be bold and very courageous. A life lived safely and meekly is a life that ends in regret. Being bold and taking risks can result in fear and uncertainty. You can also create significant challenges for yourself, but you’ll look back on your life with a smile at the end.
7. If in doubt, do it if it is safe and prudent to do so. You’re more likely to regret the things you haven’t done than the things you did. Mistakes are better than not knowing. Give something a try and find out for yourself.
8. Stop taking life too seriously. As my daughters would say….”take a chill pill Bill”. I haven’t the foggiest idea who Bill is, but I can assure you that you’ll get more enjoyment from life and do more if you can live your life with a light touch. Enjoy yourself! Smile more! Laugh often. Cut yourself some slack
9. Get out of your comfort zone, start getting used to being uncomfortable. Living a daring and exciting life is uncomfortable at times. An inability to deal with feeling uncomfortable is a leading cause of regret.
10. Press forward. Feeling regretful now by looking backwards? How has that been for you? Ok and me too? Look ahead and plan a future that fulfills you. What future do you want to live? What past do you want to be able to look back on in your old age?
Fear is the leading cause of a regretful life. Taking control of your fear by taming it is the most important step to a satisfying life. Be bold and make some big decisions. Set bold audacious goals and pursue them vigorously. Learn to be uncomfortable now, to avoid regret later.
To those of us who are single mothers in particular, either as a result of a divorce or even by choice. Hear me, I know it is hard. I also know that being a single parent can be an incredibly lonely and overwhelming journey. I know firsthand for instance; how difficult it is to juggle the balls so as to balance your time and attention between your children and your work or business. At most times, one of the balls would fall and hits the floor no matter how good a juggler you are. Sometimes it’s your work ball that falls and at other times it is your children. When the ball that falls is your children, you feel confused, sad and guilty that you were unable to spend quality time with them. Perhaps, they are going through a very tough emotional issue and need your reassurance and guidance. However, you must finish a report or you could lose your job. Unwittingly, you find yourself being engulfed with guilt and wracked with regret. You regret the unlived missed memories you were unable to create because the report took its place and now that time together has gone. Acknowledge you feel sorry about what you did, it wasn’t your fault, you need to keep your roof and provide for your family. I get it, been there more times that I want to admit to myself. Ok, you chose doing extra work on that project over spending time with your child. Recognise how you feel. Say, “I’m sorry for that” to your hurt child or if they have grown up and are no longer available, at least acknowledge to yourself that you’re sorry about the way things went…..then stop fast in your tracks
Now give yourself a break. It’s true, perhaps you messed up, perhaps you didn’t. The important thing, to my mind, is that you have gained a further understanding of the situation and are doing what you can to resolve it. Now it’s time to let go, forgive yourself and move on.
You just have to let go, especially after a divorce. Let go of the negativity to make room for more positivity in your life. Heave a huge sigh of relief, embrace your life with the renewal and hope that is in store.
Dealing with regret is one of the greatest life challenges we all must navigate at some time or another. However, if you acknowledge you’re sorry and ask what you can do to soothe the situation, you’re well on your way to successfully managing your regret as well as identifying and applying the lessons learned from the situation.
Even with the daily challenges of being a single mum after divorce, you too can choose to live a life that leads to ultimate fulfilment and renewal instead of aggravating regret.
Go on take a chance on you…using these techniques, Get Started Today!
Are you working on rebuilding your life after a divorce or break up? Click on the picture below to get your copy of my “Self-Reliance: Set Your Own Course & Take Charge Of Your Life” worksheet!
I hope you have found today’s blog useful and has given you some clarity on how to move forward in your life. Please feel free to add your comments in the comments box, I would love to know about your key takeaways, how you are getting along and how I can help you further. Whatever you do, please take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “We” to becoming a “Me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about how to get clear on the steps to take to move forward don’t hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a 30 minute Free Complimentary Believe and Live Again Clarity session and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R’s journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink “Contact” at the bottom right-hand side of this page and this will take you into my “Let’s Talk” contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a callback.
In the meantime, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing (that you can).
Best Wishes and God’s Blessings.
